Early Labour

Thursday 13th December
6 pm to 7pm
So, I think it has all started. Last night as I was cooking dinner I had one particularly bad contraction. I had been having stronger ones all day, but still didn’t want to get my hopes up. Arcris was just outside the kitchen on the phone (we received several bogus tax invoices for advertising and he was following them up) and I was making chicken and asparagus risotto – note: don’t make risotto while in labour as it takes a lot of standing up (back ache) and constant stirring (difficult while having a contraction).
I just leant over the kitchen bench and tried my best not to panic. Arcris was on the phone for ages and my risotto was getting gluggy, flies kept coming in from outside and I was in pain. I believe it was me screaming “Get out of here!” at a fly which landed on our dinner which brought it to Arcris’ attention that I wasn’t coping. I then kept yelling and chasing the fly to get it out until I began to get hysterical. I calmed down a bit and we managed to eat dinner – although the risotto was a bit gluggy.

I then went to the bathroom and noticed some blood – yay! – bloody show. Never was I so happy to be bleeding from down there. For the next hour or so I kept returning to the bathroom so I could check for more. I didn’t have too much blood, it was a bit red and mixed with mucous.

7pm to 9.30pm
After calling the hospital to let them know about the blood, I kept timing the contractions and checking on the baby’s movements. I was a bit confused to see that the contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasted about 45 seconds; however, they were not very painful. I know 5 minutes apart is when the hospital said to come in, but I wasn’t in too much pain and still felt I could be ‘crying wolf’.

I called them back and spoke to mum, everyone thought it best to stay at home and wait and see. At 9.30, I decided to get some rest. I thought I might be in for a long night.

9.30pm to 6.00am
Through the night I slept well enough, but would have 5 minute contractions when I woke. Arcris finally came to bed at about 2am, he hadn’t wanted to before in case he was needed to drive me to hospital.

Friday 14th December
6.00am to 8.00am
When I woke up at 6am, I was starving but remembered we didn’t have any bread and not much milk. I wasn’t having many contractions and was disappointed… so I made pancakes! I figured moving around and being upright suited labour more than lying down.

So then, my challenge was to stay upright and active until labour really takes hold.

Was having stronger contractions at this point but at 10 minutes apart.

It's a boy!

At 5.56am on Saturday the 15th December 2007, we welcomed baby boy Xavier into the world. 14 hour labour, natural birth... (will fill in details when I have the chance)

no drugs at all!!!

He's a gorgeous boy (aren't they always the apple of our eyes) and we're smitten already. After a brief stint in special care, he's doing very well at home with mum and dad.

Photos to come.

Bump not yet a baby

OK, today is the day... I am 40 weeks pregnant... did you hear that baby? Time is up, out you come now...

Sure I know that 40 weeks is an approximate measure, but surely bubs will arrive on time, no?

I have risked a visit into the library to check email and check every one's blogs, maybe that will tempt fate and bubs will decide that breaking waters on library floor would be hilarious!

I have spent the last 4 weeks of maternity leave gearing down, it has been great and I am so happy to have had this time. I thought I was ready soon after leaving work, but it has been great to just have down time before I know life will be turned on its head.

The only downside is the waiting (and of course the endless phone calls and messages inquiring if I have popped yet!). Each night I ensure the house is 'visitor' clean before going to bed; I go to bed at a decent hour each night just in case it happens through the night and I want to be properly rested; each day I wait, and wait.

Mondays I change the bed sheet (each time thinking 'These will probably be the sheets my waters will break on to'); Tuesdays I do a load of washing ('Hope the weather holds while I am in hospital'); Wednesdays I fold the wash ('Thank goodness I got them in before all the visitors arrive to see the baby'); Thursdays I scrub the bathroom ('Phew, thank goodness the post-baby visitors won't have to see that mess'); Fridays I vacuum ('That will be lovely for the the visitors who visit the baby'); Saturdays we grocery shop ('Better stock up before bubs arrives, but not too much perishable in case it goes off while we are hospital').

However, the baby hasn't come yet, the visitors aren't coming until bubs is here, and my house just keeps getting cleaner!

Still waiting

Ok, so I know I am still early, but I hear so many times a day that 'it could be any day now' that even though I know it is unlikely for a first born to come early, I think I have started thinking it could be any day!

I had my 36 week appointment today, with an OB. What a disappointment. I have had all my other appointments (except 20 weeks) with a midwife. The midwifes are lovely, they love their job, they love our babies, they love our belly and care about our feelings. A midwife appointment takes longer than half an hour, and they are always running behind because they spend so much time with each patient.

Can't say the same thing about the OB. Apparently 'baby is down, but not fully engaged yet', 'baby has heartbeat', 'blood pressure is fine', and 'you need to take iron supplements' are the only thing needing to be conveyed during an appointment, and this exchange need take no longer than 10 minutes.

Oh, well 38 week one is back to midwifes, I will let them know home much I appreciate them next time!

In other news, I can't believe they are going to let me take a baby home to take care of. Last night hubby and I light a couple of candles (not for romancin' but to get rid of smell of the prawn dinner we had eaten earlier) and then we to bed. Hubby bounded out of bed this morning at 7 a.m. after remembering about them. They have burned themselves down during the night and all was fine. But my confidence is shattered. How can I take care of another human being when I could have burnt house down last night?!

So long (for now)

Today is my last day at work before maternity leave. I am excited and anxious about the unknown world that is the 'stay at home Mum'.

As archaic as this sounds we currently have no internet at home, so I will only be able to check in on everyone and update my own blog when I visit my in-laws. Depending on when Pudding decides to come and how often I visit the in-laws, my next post could well be the birth... only time will tell.

I will miss reading everyone's blogs for a whole and hope all goes well for everyone!

What not to say to an 8-month pregnant woman

Pregnant Woman: Darling, if you could, would you choose to have our next child yourself?

Husband of Pregnant Woman: No, I couldn't bear the labour and delivery.

PW: OK, excluding that, would you choose to experience the pregnacy itself? To grow in places you would rather not grow, feel the nausea and any other pregnancy complaints? But also experience the feeling of closeness with your child and feel it move inside you?

HoPW: Yeah I would, I mean, the pregnancy compalints, they are all a matter of perspective.

PW: You mean you think it is easier than women let on, that you could do it easly withour complaint?

HoPW (ignoring dangerous look in PW eyes): Yeah, as I said pain is a matter of perspective...

Cue teary, hormonal pregnant woman and extremely apologetic husband for the rest of the day.

The kitchen is open!

Some exciting news - I have started to notice the smallest amount of wet spots on my bra when I take it off!

Yay, these things are not just for show, they seem to be real, live, functioning body parts!

Ready when you are little one - Mumma's kitchen is open!

My Birthday

It is my birthday today. I have been thinking about my Mum all day.

As I was going to sleep I thought ‘She already knew I was coming 27 years from now, I wonder how she was feeling’.

Each time I woke up for the bathroom in the middle of the night I thought ‘She was still going through labour this time 27 years ago’.

And then when I finally woke up at 5.30 in the morning I thought ‘She was getting her first look at her first child this time 27 years ago’ (I was born at 5.20 a.m. on 31 October 1980).

When she called today to wish me a happy birthday I nearly cried telling her how I had been thinking about her. She said ‘Now do you understand why it is so important to a mother to see her children on their birthday?’.

This is the first year that I have realised that my birthday is so important to someone other than myself.

Sitting with my husband eating breakfast this morning we were playing the ‘this time last year’ game (e.g. ‘This time last year we were still planning the wedding’, ‘This day 3 years ago you asked me to marry you and we had just bought our apartment’, etc).

This of course turned into the ‘this time next year’ game. I wanted to cry (noticing a theme here? Crying has become very common to me!). This time next year my baby will be crawling around the house; this time next year I will not feel my baby kicking inside me as I eat breakfast; this time next year I will not be with my baby for the entire day; this time next year other people will be able to hold my baby rather than just me; this time next year my baby will (sometimes) find more joy in a pile of toys than it does in me.

Ok, so I know it was way over the top, however, it made me realise, that as uncomfortable as I am at the moment, I don’t think I am ready for the pregnancy to be over. Of course I look forward to holding the baby in my arms, but I am almost dreading waking up and not having the baby completely attached to me.

Photos

Ok, have decided to come clean... I am cheating on this blog with another. I guess the thing is that it doesn't matter if this blog finds out about the other, but the other one (which I send to family) should never, ever find out about this one. I would like to keep this one as a place to vent and would rather no 'real life' friends and family find out about it.

On the other blog I post photos of my growing belly and a (very dorky) weekly update about how Pudding should be growing, I don't write personal stuff on that one and only really update it when I get the chance to download pictures. You are all welcome to come and view the other blog if you want to see belly shots, and then bookmark it if you wish to see baby and family photos once Pudding has arrived.

Please be aware that I don't want friends and family finding out about this blog, so if you wish to comment on the other blog, please don't mention this one!

OK, so here it is:

http://babygalang.wordpress.com/

Wrong way out

I think my baby thinks that it can somehow find a way out of my belly through the belly button area. It has been constantly trying to kick/punch a hole through there for the last week.

Baby is head down which is good because I doubt there is much room for it to turn around, and has its back on my left side facing my front which I hear is a great position for the birth. I get most of my kicks and ounches on the right side and occasionally a shoulder or elbow on the left.

On the advice of my midwife (backed up with google research) I have started taking Raspberry Leaf Tea. It has a stimulating effect on the uterus and I have definently noticed BH since then (was too sure I was even having any before have the Raspberry Leaf Tea). Here's hoping it reduces my labour time and the need for intervention!

The advice I found on google was this:

In a study carried out in Sydney, Australia, 192 first-time mums were given at random either a 1.2g raspberry leaf tablet or a placebo twice a day from 32 weeks of pregnancy. The herb had no harmful effects on mother or baby, and those women who had taken raspberry leaf tablets were found to have a shorter second stage of labour and a lower rate of forceps delivery (19.3% versus 30.4%). It is believed that raspberry leaf, if taken regularly through pregnancy and labour can:

· Ease the symptoms of morning sickness.
· Sooth and prevent bleeding gums which many pregnant women often experience.
· Relax the smooth muscles of the uterus when it is contracting (Burn & Withell, 1941).
· Assist with the birth of the baby and the placenta.
· Calm cramping of the uterus.
· Provide a rich source of iron, calcium, manganese and magnesium. The magnesium content is especially helpful in strengthening the uterine muscles. Raspberry leaf also contains vitamins B1, B3 and E which are valuable in pregnancy.

Raspberry leaf is also used for the following:
· To aid fertility.
· To promote a plentiful supply of breastmilk.
· To help stop excess bleeding after birth.
· To treat diarrhoea.
· To regulate irregular menstrual cycle and decreases heavy periods.
· To relieve sore throats.
· To reduce fever.

Jewellery

I do beleive that my wedding rings and my watch have indeed grown smaller throughout the course of this pregnancy. If they shrink any more I shall have to wear my rings around my necklace...

Possum update

I think an Australian of the year award is in order - for my humanitarian work (towards possums - not humans).

On Friday I finally got brave and... wait for it... you will be amazed by my bravery... I quickly opened the front door, ran to the side of the balcony and put a broom over the side so that the little one could climb up it and escape (what it was escaping to I have no idea - city traffic perhaps?).

Of course as soon as it escaped (it took it about 15 minutes to figure out what to do) I was hit with the realisation that rats could sneak through small holes - maybe possums could too. So I boarded up my front door just in case. Yes I boarded up my door to escape from a 10 cm possum.

So guys, start the nominations coming for Australian of the year!

BTW, I have my first birthing class tonight - looking forward to eating out with my husband (we haven't really been out to dinner alone since I fell pregnant) and then meeting other pregnant women in the same stages as me.

32 weeks 2 days

Terrified

Am currently sitting at my kitchen table (ahh work from home!) too terrified to go outside because of an animal lurking out the front of my ground floor apartment.

Ok, maybe I exaggerate, but I seriously can't tear myself away from the window and am too scared to go outside. There is a little baby possum which seems to have decided my ground floor balcony is its new home.

That's right... a possum!!

I live in the city - what is a possum doing lurking around my house?!

Those of you from overseas may not quite understand my terror, a possum, though admittedly quite cute, is just really like a big rat. Seriously, an Australian native RAT!

A rat that it is illegal to kill/hurt/relocate even when it is in your house!!!

The cute/scary little thing keeps climbing up my window frame, presumably in an attempt to get out of the balcony as the other sides are brick... I don't know what I can do about it, I know it is scratching the crap out of the frames but I am not allowed to (read: too scared to) do anything about it.

Oh man, the things that happen when you stay at home to work (this so would not have happened in my high rise building I work in!).

Skinny - minnie

My belly has become skinny again... well sort of. For ages the baby was lying horizontally and it was causing a few problems sleeping (it really didn't like me sleeping on either side). But recently it has turned so it is vertical, ahhh. My belly looks much more out front and less wide!

I can't tell if the baby is head up or head down though... will have to wait until next Thursday's midwife appointment so that she can tell me!

Shower and christening - ROAR!

My baby shower on Saturday was lovely. My Mum and sisters had gone to such trouble, decorating the house in blue and pink ribbons and balloons, and Mum had made a table centre piece from baby nappies (diapers) and pink and blue nappy pins and dummies (pacifiers). My sisters had organised games and prizes, all baby themed of course.

It was just the girls there but then my husband came back after a couple of hours and we opened the presents together. We got lots of lovely presents from friends and family, and I spent yesterday evening playing with all the toys and folding and re-folding the new clothes!

Yesterday we went to a musical with my Mum, Grandma and MIL. Thinking back there was a funny moment when my husband called me over to the conversation because he overheard my MIL telling my Mum and Grandma to book my Grandma’s church and hall for MY baby’s Christening because she wasn’t able to book her church for Christenings!!

I had to do my best not to go into full Lioness, territorial, mode and ROAR that it was our family now and we will be choosing the church – and the RELIGION, no less (my husband and I are different religions – both Christian, but he is Catholic and I am Church of England)! I had to bite my tongue because I know that she was only doing because she cares, but I really do draw the line at someone other than us choosing our baby’s religion. It is really funny to start feeling all these territorial feelings about our new little 3 person family!

BTW, am getting really, really fat now! Just saw some pictures of myself at the baby shower and I almost don’t recognise myself! I feel ‘normal’ until I see photos and then I get a shock! LOL, oh well, only 9 more weeks of growing and then I hope to start shirking back to my former self!

31 weeks!

Lioness and her cub

I was reading recently about how a woman suddenly somehow reverts to her animal instinct to protect her young and her ‘new family’ when she has her first child. The woman is supposed to get very territorial over her new family, however, at the same time, the ‘old’ lionesses also get protective over the extended family and it can end up in an all in lioness battle!

I think I know the feeling.

I have never really had a problem with MIL or my Mum overtaking and pushing opinions, even during the wedding planning everyone was very careful not to step on anyone else’s toes. I even lived with MIL for a few years while hubby and I saved for our place. Suddenly, throw a baby cub into the equation and everyone gets all competitive and possessive!

Between MIL, Mum and my Grandma seemingly competing in a ‘who can buy more presents for the baby’ and ‘who can guess the gender of the baby’ (and buy the most clothes in PINK and BLUE for the baby – as if somehow the gender of the baby will change depending on how many outfits await it!) and the endless stories of how they brought up their children (hint, hint, this is the best way to do it isn’t it?!) I am starting to get very protective of my new little 3 person family.

I, along with hubby, would like to be the one to decide how my baby is raised and would like everyone else to back off!

That sounds so nasty doesn’t it?

I am trying my best not to show anyone how stressed they are making me (just moaning about it to my husband in the car on the way home!) because I know that ultimately they have all of our best interests at heart, and I really do appreciate all the gifts (maybe hold the pink and blue until the baby is here though!). I just keep dreading how they will behave when the baby is here.

I have nightmares about them tearing the baby limb from limb in a bid to be the first to hold it; and am already anticipating getting stressed when they all pile over for visits all weekend when I just want to make sure that the 3 of us get ‘family time’.

I think I should stop thinking about it – probably just the pregnancy hormones stressing me out!

S e x

A good point was brought up by Nina on a blog I read ('Ben and Stella'), se*x...

I do wonder sometimes how many pregnant women are getting any, how many are wanting any and how many are just generally thinking about it at all. It may seem strange to care about other people private lives in that way, but I just want to know how normal Mr G and I really are.

I don't believe my drive has changed at all since getting pregnant. Ok, the first trimester was a major downturn, but since then I think I would like it as often as usual.

However, whilst it does sometimes upset me ('Am I such a turn off these days?') the thought of his little darling baby experiencing every moment of our se*x does manage to turn my husband off to such a degree that I don't know the last time we were intimate.

The thing that does worry me is when is the next time we will have time and energy for it after the baby is here anyway?!

Am I doomed to be forever officially 'not getting any'?!

29 weeks 4 days

Invitation

Come one and all to the disease playground hosted by yours truly.

Ah, work college with the throat infection of course you are welcome. No don't bother staying home from work just because you are sick, by all means, cough and splutter around here as much as you like.

Oh, and Master runny nose I see you have brought your friend stuffy head. You must have heard that throat infection was passing by and thought you would join us.

Why sir, what a surprise, I have heard many dangerous rumours about you. Mister fever please let me introduce you to some other guests, sit over here by my 2 paracetamol friends.

And who do we have here? Well really, at long last, I was beginning to think you would not join me. You have surely visited every other pregnant woman I know except for me. Come right this way Mr heartburn you have been expected for some time.

Now that you are all gathered here, let me just say it has been a delightful week at home on sick leave. But if you don't mind, kindly f$%k off and leave me and my precious baby alone.

Whose body is this anyway?

I am falling apart...

My ankles are swollen by the time I get home in the evening (something only sitting for an hour with my legs elevated seems to solve), but worse are these odd red patches that have recently made an appearance of each of my ankles. It is so bizarre, in the evening they are bright red patches of squiggly lines about 5cm round which are not itchy but are prickly and warm to touch. They then get less red by the morning and slowly flare up during the day.

I can't for the life of me think of anything I have been doing differently (other than gaining pregnancy weight and swelling as a result!). Does anyone know what they are???!!! My friend Google doesn't seem to help me on this one.

Other signs that my body is falling apart:

• I also noticed red spots on my stretch marks (embarrassingly stretch marks are on thighs rather than belly as one would assume) which I have read are common during pregnancy.
• I wake at night in a hot sweat at about 3 a.m. and have to dry the sweat from between my new found crevices between layers of flesh (mostly between and under my HUGE boobs!). It is a new experience to me as Melbourne is really mild weather all year round and I have never had a problem like this even in Summer, I have taken advice from people living in more tropical environments and apply talc which does help somewhat.
• My wrists have become fat. No one agrees with me, but I can notice the difference. I hate it.

However, there have been some benefits to my body caused by pregnancy changes:

• I love my cleavage. Not so fond of my boobs when bra is off (veins and huge nipples), but they look great in clothes!
• I have gone from using countless expensive face care products to... sorbolene! During my first trimester when I felt like crap it was all I could do to wash my face with soap and then use sorbolene whenever it felt 'squeaky'. My skin has become used to it and now looks great and blemish free with little care needed!

On the whole, I think my body is worse off than pre-pregnancy, however, I am sure the little life inside me is better off for all the changes to little old me.

Another friend for Pudding

On Saturday night I had dinner with my 5 best friends. The girl whose wedding I was going to in March the day I found out I was pregnant announced that she is pregnant too. She is only 5 weeks, so I know it is really early, but I am so excited for her and so excited for my baby that it will have a little friend to grow up with!

Double figures

Well I passed the 100 day milestone over the weekend (I know it is not really a 'milestone', but somehow in my head it means something). Depending on what you read I am either in my third trimester or a couple of weeks off it. I am noticing the pregnancy a lot more now. It really impacts my daily life, well.. daily.

I have a little trouble walking fast, I used to get so frustrated by 'slow' walkers, not I waddle behind with the 'oldies'! I am also rather uncomfortable sitting for too long or lying down for too long, but tire easily walking or standing, so I am constantly changing what I am doing to best find comfort.

I don't know if 26 weeks is too early to start nesting, but I had last Friday off work and about 3p.m. I realised that I was on my hands and knees scrubbing my skirting boards. I had also done 2 loads of washing, hand washing, scrubbed the kitchen and made the house generally sparkle. It might be nesting, or maybe I just realised that house chores needed to be done and we had a busy weekend on so Friday was my only chance to do it.

I am also overly emotional. After cleaning on Friday I sat down to read and had to stop because I kept bursting into tears. Admittedly it was a very sad part in the book, but I was sobbing, not just having a quiet tear in my eye. Also I get very emotional (translate to: cry) whenever I read baby or pregnancy books. Just the thought of how tough or beautiful having a baby in the house will be makes me cry.

Also I went to church yesterday with my husband's family and nearly cried about 5 times during mass (and it isn't even my religion!!).

I had my 26 week check up on the weekend and it all went well except, despite drinking my lovely green sugar drink, I didn't get my diabetes test because the midwifes couldn't find any veins and pathology was closed on the weekend. So I have to drink heaps of water and go back tomorrow. It was kind of good because late Friday night I decided I was sick of being 'good' and considering the baby before I put anything near my mouth and asked my husband to make a double chocolate pudding. It was lovely but may well have upset the blood test.

26 weeks

Biting my finger nails...

I am nervous because I have my first diabetes test in 2 days time. I am scared, I don't want to be told to stop eating cakes.

You'll have your Daddy's eyes - Sarah Connor

It is Father's Day this Sunday, the first one for my husband.

Here is a lovely song I found (and so true):

Hello morning light
I cannot fight the feeling
Something’s changed
I’m lying in my bed
And feel a second
heartbeat in my veins

The sky is more blue than yesterday
The grass is green and high
The sun sends out her warmest rays
To welcome you my child

Every time that I think of you
I feel a love that’s sostrong and true
I know when you arrive
You’ll have your daddy’s eyes
Every time that I’m feeling blue
I sit right back and I think of you
That’s when I realize
You’ll have your daddy’s eyes

Frustrated

Why did it feel like it took one month to get to my 20 week 'half-way' mark and why does it feel like 5 months since then?

I am in a bit of a frustrated state now. We have shopped for a few most of the major things for the baby's nursery; I have read ahead all the way to the end of most of my pregnancy books; I have set a date for the baby shower and my sisters are taking care of the details; everyone I know has been told that I am pregnant and we have caught up to celebrate...

Now I just want my baby to be here.

Also, quite selfishly I want my body back. I know I should be trying to enjoy this pregnancy, and for the most part I am, but is it so bad to wish my husband could 'take over' the pregnancy just every so often? Maybe just one night per week to let me sleep a whole night through.

I have started to get uncomfortable sitting for long periods and as for lying in bed at night, I have no trouble getting to sleep, but after a few hours of rest my hips ache and I just lie there waiting for morning to come so that I can stop lying down.

On the up side, only I can really feel the baby move and kick and my heart sings whenever this happens (even in the middle of the night when it keeps me from sleeping).

24 weeks 4 days

A cousin for Pudding

I am so excited for my little unborn child as I found out over the weekend that Pudding has a little unborn cousin! After a long time trying, my husband’s sister is pregnant and due in April. She is so lucky because next month is when they were due to start IVF.

We are not supposed to know yet because she is only 5 weeks pregnant and doesn’t want to announce it, but her over-excited parents were bursting to announce the good news to us.

We went out to lunch with my husband’s parents and two little children crossed the road in front of us. They couldn’t’ help saying, “Soon that will be us with two little grandchildren” and we sort of figured it out from there since my SIL is their only other child.

I know it is only early days for her, but I am so happy. I really didn’t realise how sad I felt for Pudding that he/she wouldn’t have any little cousins to play with growing up. My siblings are far from settling down and my SIL was the only other hope. I had so much fun playing with cousins at family parties when I was young, and I was sad that it didn’t look like Pudding would get to experience that. But now I imagine Christmas and other family occasions with at least one other child and I am so excited.

Ramblings

My belly has grown quite a bit over the last week. I compare myself to photos of other people at 22 weeks and I am still quite small, but I figure I had quite a lot of space for my belly to grow into. Although I was in the healthy weight range prior to becoming pregnant, I am so tall (180 cm / 6 foot) and have always had hips that could only be described as ‘child bearing’ so Pudding has lots of space without protruding too much. But now, all of a sudden I look pregnant. It is great!!

I feel our little one move regularly, especially at night after dinner until I fall asleep. My husband has started reading Enid Blyton’s “The Magic Far Away Tree” to Pudding and I as we are going to sleep, although far from calming Pudding down, I get more kicks as he reads than I do for most of the day. It feels nice though, feels like we are a little family.

I really have to start organising baby things now, we have only purchased a couple of things so far and now want to start looking at a change table which doubles as a chest of drawers and a car seat for bubs.

I have been doing research on baby car seats and I think I am going to go for the baby capsule and then get a toddler seat once they are 6 months. I can see how the ones that double as a baby capsule and then turn around to make a toddler seat make sense, however, I really think being able to lift the baby out of the car in the capsule will be a lot easier.

Anyway, these are the issues that fill my days (when I should be working!)…

21 weeks, 4 days

Update

I am so lazy! It has been ages since writing down what has been happening in this pregnancy journal. Happily, this is mostly because things have been pretty pleasant and smooth. Some milestones/events:

* After patiently waiting night after night with his hand on my belly, my husband felt a good strong kick from Pudding. It was the largest one I have felt to date, so he was very lucky! Admittedly, it did occur after I had eaten a large serve of melted cooking chocolate (just had a craving for chocolate and it was all that was in the house!).
· We had our first midwife appointment with the family birthing suite. All went well, except when she tried to hear Pudding’s heartbeat through the Doppler and couldn’t find it for about 20 minutes – I think my heart was standing still for a good 10 minutes. She finally called in another midwife who pocked and prodded and found Pudding hiding behind the placenta. Cheeky little thing!
· I finally got a haircut. I was so ashamed of walking into my salon considering the state of my hair that I wore it tied back and wouldn’t remove the tie until I explained to my hairdresser why my hair was so horrible (‘I got pregnant and haven’t been to the hairdresser since’).
· We went to a musical over the weekend (Sweet Charity) and I think Pudding loved it; especially the part when everyone applauded – Pudding must have been trying to applaud with us judging by the movement I was feeling.
· My belly is growing daily, yesterday I noticed I could no longer do up the top two buttons of my overcoat (the bottom one had not been done up in about a month). It’s ok, the worst of winter is behind us now!

OK, think that sums it up. Must remember to be more diligent in recording this pregnancy as I am already over halfway and I think the rest will go by just as fast!

20 weeks 4 days

Ultrasound

10 fingers,
10 toes,
2 kidneys,
2 eyes,
1 nose,
1 mouth,
stunning profile,
long legs,
strong heart,
cute footprints,
likes to move a lot.

Our perfect baby!

Our little one wouldn’t sit still for long enough for the doctor to take measurements at the ultrasound, which was fine with us as it just meant longer we got to watch the amazing being on the screen in front of us as he/she wriggled, sucked his/her thumb and rolled around. We have a great 20 minute DVD (which of course we have watched and re-watched) showing incredible detail of the ultrasound. The doctor was lovely and kept saying she could watch our baby all day because it was perfect!

Our baby seems to have Mum’s height as he/she was measuring a little ahead of our 19 week 1 day mark (19 weeks 6 days). But the best news of all, our baby is healthy and no anomalies were found.

My husband almost succumbed at the last minute and asked if the baby would be a footy player or ballerina, but then decided to stick to our ‘surprise’ stance. We have offcourse tried to determine it since by watching the DVD back and pausing it is opportune places! To our untrained eyes it looks like a girl in some positions and a boy in others. Guess we find out in about 20 weeks anyway!

Hospital

The hospital visit was fantastic. It really made all this ‘baby’ and ‘pregnancy’ stuff seem real. I had an introductory meeting with both a midwife and an obstetrician and was happy to see the words ‘low risk’ and ‘normal’ written many times throughout my patient folder. I got to hear my baby’s heartbeat on the Doppler – that was amazing and very reassuring.

Only two downsides to the experience:

I had to get weighed… OMG, I have put on so much weight! I am now (cringe) 89.25 kg (with winter weight clothes and shoes on – does that make it any better?!). Mitigating factor: I am 6 foot tall, so my BMI is 27 so it is just inside ‘overweight’ if I was not pregnant and ‘healthy’ since I am 19 weeks pregnant.

However, I am officially (slightly) heavier than my husband. Aaaarrrgh!

Other (and less superficial) downside was getting a pap smear test done. I was so nervous my blood pressure went up to 180/70, and I kept asking for reassurance that it would not pose any threat what-so-ever to my baby.

I was told to expect light bleeding after the test, and always the optimist, I expected, light bleeding. You know, maybe a few, hard to discern speckles of blood… What I did not expect was that they should have given me a pad after the test because my undies were so badly stained I will have throw them out!

Thankfully all the blood came at once and despite several trips to the loo per hour for the rest of the day (and well into the evening), no more ‘spotting’ occurred.

So, after being told about how ‘normal’ and ‘low risk’ my pregnancy was I was offered to elect to use the Family Birthing Suite rather than the normal labour ward.

I sounded quite good, my husband will be able to sleep in the room with us for our stay and will be fed too, the rooms look a lot more like a bedroom than a hospital and I will be guaranteed my own private room, and all my visits from now on will be with the small team of midwives (a couple will be with the obstetrician of their unit) who will be there to deliver the baby.

The midwives let you decide how much pain relief you need, but they advocate other techniques such as massage, music and movement being used first. In the suite they are able to give labouring women gas and pethidine but not epidural. I wanted to avoid epidural anyway (if possible – I have no idea how bad the pain will be though) and if for some reason I wanted/needed it I can be wheeled upstairs into the normal labour ward.

Ditto for if something goes ‘wrong’ in the labour (or in the pregnancy meanwhile which would make me a higher than ‘low’ risk), I can just be accepted upstairs with no drama.

It all sounds great, but I am still a little worried. All the machines for monitoring the baby in normal labour wards are deemed not necessary in the birthing unit, however midwives check using the Doppler every half hour and I have read that by not using the machines the nurses will monitor other signs more closely and not rely on the machines as much as they can in labour wards.

My other concerns are that I can only stay in the birthing suite 1 or 2 nights after the baby is delivered (I can go into a normal labour bed afterwards is something is wrong, or if I feel I need more time to rest & recover), and that I won’t be able to bear the pain (although I really hate the sound of an epidural anyway, not so much the needle bit – although that is icky – but not being able to feel my legs scares me and I have heard the experience of not knowing when to ‘push’ can take away from the labour experience.

So I signed up for the Family Birthing Suite, I hope I am making the right decision… I guess I can always change my mind.

Any comments/opinions on this type of labour?

19 weeks

A shopping trip is in order

Happily, my belly is growing daily and I am starting to struggle to find any of my previous clothes I can fit into. I have a small selection of maternity wear that I will have to add to soon.

My lovely husband bought me a beautiful maternity dress to wear to my Mum’s 50th last weekend. The ladies in the shop told him it would flatter my newly found breasts and accentuate my growing bump. And boy, did it do what it was supposed to! I went from being a little rounded in the waist to looking like I had swallowed a basketball!

It was nice. My Mum was happy, she keeps telling me how ‘respectable’ my bump is and she wanted to show it off to all the guests at her birthday.

I am very excited as I have my first hospital visit this Friday and another ultrasound next Tuesday. I am getting anxious that all is well with Pudding as it has been so long between ultrasounds, and I look forward to seeing the little mite.

18 weeks 1 day

Aches, pains and twitches

I always knew that having a child would be painful, but had no idea that growing a child would be too.

My abdomen constantly has aches and pains not dissimilar to premenstrual pain. Thought I'd gotten myself out of that kind of pain for a good 9 months - obviously not!

The newest abdomen feeling started last week when I was at the cinemas. I started to get a twitch, like the annoying kind you might get in your eye when you are over tired.

But I have never had a twitch in my uterus before.

After careful examination I have deduced that it is in fact my little one kicking/punching me to let me know he/she is having fun in there.

At least this twitch is adorable rather than annoying!

Food glorious food

I don't know if it is 'normal' but I have started getting even hungrier than normal.

Pre-pregnancy I always had breakfast (2 slices of toast with Vegemite) as soon as I woke up, and then 'twoosies': my second breakfast (4 weet-bix with milk and a piece of fruit) just after getting into work.

This no longer satisfies me until lunch time. So I have taken to having 4 slices of toast when I wake up in the morning! Overkill? Maybe, but it is better than attacking the cookie jar at work at 11.30 a.m. when I can't stand waiting for lunch any longer!

Many people ask me about my cravings during pregnancy - I haven't have any crazy ones like books and movies seem to portray (does anyone have them? Let me know if you have/had some good ones). But I am addicted to 3 things:

1. orange juice - I could happily drink 3 litres a day if it weren't so expensive (I always liked O.J. especially when I had a hang over pre-pregnancy, it was the only thing that would make me feel better again)
2. eggs - I just love them any time of the day!
3. grainy bread - goes well with the eggs.

See, they are all pretty normal things to like. Not exactly 'ice-cream and pickles' though is it?!

17 weeks today

Cry-baby!

Last night I went to see a movie (Knocked-Up) and found myself crying at the end – it is a romantic comedy! Other things I have found myself crying over lately include magazine articles and newspaper editorials.

Am I seriously going to be the crying pregnant chick for the next 5 months?!

16 weeks 3 days

Bloody pregnancy

I only just got into work now because I have had a horrible blood nose all morning – at one point I wondered if it is possible to bleed to death from a blood nose! I hear that blood noses are a normal pregnancy thing because of having so much extra blood and estrogens. It still sucks though, I have never had one before and it is horrible.

I kept having to change tissues every 30 seconds or so because I would fill them up so quickly. And now I can’t stop smelling blood but I am too scared to blow my nose.

I had to stay home until 9.00 and then it was down to a trickle (after well over an hour of steady blood flow) and then looked like a diseased leaper on the tram because I was holding a bloodied tissue to my nose for the whole trip!

Anyway… the joys!

16 weeks today!

Our first purchases

I am very excited. My lounge room sort of looks like a baby department store at the moment. We didn’t really intend on buying a lot early on in the pregnancy, I wanted to take my time and shop around to try to find the best for our baby and the best value for our wallets. However, we happened to stumble across a catalogue advertising a cot that we liked for 50% off. How could we refuse I ask you?

So I called the store last week and got it put on hold and then we attempted to go after work and pick it up. This all worked well up to the point that we paid for the cot (and mattress) and then tried to put in into the car. These lovely young boys from the store, along with my husband, tried very, very hard to get the flat packed cot into our (standard sized) car to no avail.

Luckily my father-in-law had as a big 4-wheel drive and was able to help out over the weekend by driving over and being our delivery service. The best part was seeing his face when he saw the cot. He knew what it was he was coming over to help us with, but still I think it hit him that he is going to be a grandpa when he saw the cot (box).

Then, early this week, my husband called me during work hours and it didn’t sound like he was in his office. He wouldn’t initially tell me where he was, but eventually fessed-up that he had taken a break from his desk to visit ‘Baby Bunting’. Too cute!

Anyway, he had seen a pram in one of my pregnancy magazines and I think he fell in love with it. So of course when he saw that the store had an offer that if you buy the pram, you get the baby bassinet attachment free, he naturally couldn’t resit.

So now my ‘just right for two’ sized apartment is filled with boxes of baby goods. I know we will have to find space for then eventually (well in the next 5 months) anyway, but I thought I might be able to have an uncluttered home space for a while longer.

Still it is so cute to look at all the baby goods!

15 weeks 5 days

Could it possibly be?

The last few days every time I have sneezed (fairly regularly given the cold, cold weather around here) I have felt a small flutter in my belly. At first I thought there was no way it could be my baby, that I must just be imagining it, but it is getting stronger day by day...

Is week 16 too soon to feel it?

I wish I knew what to expect with the baby moving. Everyone seems to describe it differently.

Oh well, if it is, then it is amazing and magic to think that my baby is moving inside me. If it is not, I am sure it will happen soon enough and then it will be amazing and magical!

It took me no time at all to realise and accept that I was pregnant.

It took me a little while longer to realise that that meant I was going to have a baby.

Now I am just waiting for it to sink in that the baby I am having is inside me. I think when I know I can feel its movements, that will be when I really put all of the peices together.

15 weeks 1 day

The joys...

I really, really mean it...

I want you to go and leave me.

I need you to leave me.

I will feel peace at releasing you.

You have caused me so much pain already.

If only I could fart.

This is my ode to one of the many joys of pregnancy: flatulence.

9 month panic attack

(title stolen from article on 'the opposite of knocked-up' blog)

I had quite a major freak out yesterday. I have been feeling unwell (not unlike morning sickness - but that 'stopped' a few weeks ago) for the last few days and woke up to get breakfast yesterday and had only just made it to the kitchen before I was doubled over in pain.

I sometimes get pain when I need to use the bathroom, and since I have been so 'blocked up' lately I assumed I just needed to have a 'number 2'. So I proceeded to the bathroom where the pain continued and I stared thinking about all the horrible things that could be causing the pain. Of course my biggest concern was Pudding's well being.

Bring on the panic attack!

I am not a stranger to being called 'highly strung', 'type A personality, etc, etc. I am also easily talked into physical symptoms I read about (I have even convinced myself that I was having a heart attack after the new 'how to know when you are having a heart attack' commercials were first released - how's that for highly strung hypochondriac behaviour?!)

So sitting there on the loo, stressing over my baby and I started to get all hot and had to tear my clothing off straight away, I started to get dizzy and my hearing started dimming (this happens right before I faint normally). I was a sight for sore eyes by the time my husband arose from his peaceful slumber to attend to my calls for help. 'Honey, I think I am very unwell'

Anyway, by the time my husband calmed me down and I managed to use the bathroom (in front of him for the first time after 5 years of living together! Yuck!), the pain started to subside, as did my panic attack.

So all of that fuss over a bowel movement!

I did ofcourse take the day of work, which wasn't entirely through laziness - the pain took a while to go away entirely and I thought it best to see my doctor (despite it being a 40 minute drive each way).

Of course I knew the doctor couldn't do anything for me, she had a feel around and said not to worry - offered me a referral for ultrasound if I really wanted it (which I really did want but felt a bit silly going for another one) and I insisted she take my blood pressure since I'd made the big trek out there (which is a little silly as my blood pressure is normally 'low' and throughout pregnancy has only risen to 'normal').

Hense the title, I think this 9 months will end up being my longest panic attack to date!

14weeks 3 days

Buddha belly

It seems sometime this week my belly has grown. All of a sudden, people have started feeling like they have permission to rub my belly, as though it is not a part of me, merely where my baby is living.

I don’t really mind. It might be different when I get bigger and strangers feel the need, but the ladies at work just mean to make a fuss of ‘us’.

This coincides with another event, I purchased my first maternity top! My normal tops are starting to get a little short at the bottom and my boobs are busting out of my b-cup designed tops. I did want to hold off a little longer than this, week 14 sounds quite early to buy new clothes, but I needed something to wear out last night, so thought I’d treat myself.

Exam anxiety

I have just settled back into work after a 5 day ‘study break’. This was a totally different study break than any other I have had. In my last post graduate degree I was ‘a machine’; I’d be up at the crack of dawn ready to absorb as much of the law as I could before finally retiring to bed 18 hours later.

Before falling pregnant (and having no idea how long it would take to get that way) I decided, or was coerced into undertaking a further post graduate degree. It is only now that I realise how senseless it was. The law is demanding at the best of times but when I have to deal with it all day and then go home to study it on weekends while trying to fit in naps and bathroom visits, it is outright tiring!

So I had an exam on Tuesday, I spent the 5 days leading up to it in a mix of reading legislation, reading baby books, napping and watching Oprah. This is not my usual study routine…

To top it off, the morning of the exam I left home with an hour to spare and when I was nearly at the exam venue has a sudden realisation ‘I won't be able to last 3 hours without eating – I’ll just pop in to McDonalds for lunch first.’ Again, not my normal exam preparation (let alone eating habits!)…

When it was about half an hour until the start of the exam, I was sitting serenely eating my Big Mac, when I realised I would be late if I didn’t leave then. So I rushed back to the car, zoomed up 20+ levels of parking until finally finding a rooftop one, sprinted through the convention centre (ok, my idea of ‘sprinting’ is quite different now since pregnancy and bear in mind I was carrying piles of books and legislation) and finally made it to my exam with 5 minutes to use the bathroom (what else) before it started.

So, not my ordinary exam venue, pre-reading exercise…

But the good news is that I think the adrenaline from the ‘I’m going to be late’ panic meant that I attacked my exam with vigour that I haven’t experienced since becoming pregnant. I finished it all with a few minutes to spare to read over it, and then returned home to collapse, exhausted into a heap on my couch.

The strangest thing...

I feel great! Everyone kept telling me how the whole pregnancy thing would get better but I didn't really believe it.

Until suddenly, 2 days ago, I realised that I hadn't felt sick all day.

This was followed by yesterday, another day that I didn't feel sick, in fact, I was able to do a quick tidy up of the house before hubby got home last night - where did all this energy come from?

This morning I feel quite positive and in good spirits, something I have been unable to say about myself for a while.

I read that Pudding feels all the emotions that I do because hormones through the bloodstream will take adrenaline etc to my unborn baby. When a baby is born it already has a view of the world from how their mother felt felt about the world throughout the pregnancy.

This makes sense to me, if I feel that the world is a happy, loving place and my baby also feels these emotions, when born Pudding already has this view of the world.

What I was worried about was that, because I was feeling so negative for so long (as an example, throughout the first three months I was known to utter to my husband that I think Pudding will be an only child because I couldn't imagine knowingly making myself go through this again - how bad is that?!) that Pudding would be born with a preconceived idea that the world is a horrible, depressing place and keep that view through out life.

Anyway, since feeling more positive (and praying that it will continue) I have less fear of Pudding feeling this way and I feel such relief to feel this semblance of 'normal' again!

I am in love...

and my husband is in love, we are both so in love with our baby!

We had an ultrasound on Monday (the doctor recommended it after the slight spotting episode) and it was even more incredible than the first one we had back at 6 weeks. This time, rather than a little spot on a screen with a little flickering area (the heart) we could make out (with help from the nurse) the head, body and arm and leg buds!

We could also see the heart beating (175bpm - does this sounds too fast to you? The nurse said it was normal) and Pudding was waving its little arm and leg buds around at us. Hi Mum, Hi Dad, it's me in here!

It is one thing to see in books and on the internet what your baby looks like at this stage of development - it is another thing entirely to see your baby at this stage of development. It was beautiful.

Pudding was measuring perfectly - 10 weeks 2 days on Monday - it was just such a relief and an amazing experience. I can't wait for my next scan (I am booked in for week 19 - how do you expect me to wait that long before getting the high of seeing my little one growing and moving?).

I now sort of wish we opted for the 10-12 week Down's screening - we decided not to go through with it because we are not high risk and I looked at the statistics - 1 in 25 get a 'high risk' result, but in my age group only 1 in 10,000 have the actual risk, I would just be stressing myself out for something that is unlikely. In addition, our personal preference would be to continue with the pregnancy regardless, so the point is mute. The only reason I sort of wish we decided to do it is so that I can see Pudding again before the 19 week mark!

Pudding

While I have been having lots of good old whinge sessions about this pregnancy, I should have instead been thinking about all that my unborn baby 'Pudding' has been going through.

For instance, look at all that my little one has accomplished this week:

• We’ve got one whole inch of baby to measure! Our little embryo has finally reached the one-inch mark (30mm) at last. And if it were possible to take a peek, you could see Pudding with your naked eye!
  
• “I'm Swimming!” Pudding has begun moving inside my womb although it's too small for me to notice yet. Pudding is wriggling, shifting, and dancing already! Makes you almost wish for a window to peek in whenever you want!
  
• What’s more, Pudding is finally starting to take on some very distinct human features. For starters, his or her little tail (really just the spinal cord) has disappeared completely. It’s nice to know Pudding can no longer be mistaken for a sea creature! Additionally, toes and fingers are prominent with very little, if any, webbing.
  
• Most of the joints are formed now - elbow, wrist, knee, shoulder, and ankle as well as the hands, fingers, feet and toes. Pudding is practicing bending and flexing.
  
• Right now, Pudding’s head is disproportionately larger than the rest of his or her body--making up almost half of our little one’s height and weight!
  
• Baby will curve its fingers around an object placed in the palm of its hand – Pudding is fascinated by everything he or she can lay their fingers on (mainly other fingers, toes, ears and nose)!
  
• Fingerprints are already evident in the skin.
  
• Average size this week -- length 0.9 inch (2.3cm), weight 0.07 ounce (2gm)

A Teensy-weensy scare

Well we had a little scare on Sunday, where I a little blood was found when I wiped. It really was so little, like a few drops (but just diluted by my other fluids) of brownish stuff. Nothing else since.

Everything I read tells me not to worry - that it does sometimes happen.

I have of course since noticed every little twinge in my abdomen, but I think it is just like I have had throughout the pregnancy - presumably ligament stretching etc.

I still booked in to see my doctor for this Thursday (the earliest I could get), just to let her know. Also because when I researched about this, I found that any yellow discharge during pregnancy should be tested as it could be an infection and needs treatment. For the last couple of weeks I have had such discharge.

Oh the joys.

My Mum is great - every time I stress over a little thing she just thinks it is great: 'Isn't it amazing how much you just love this little one already and worry over its safety already'.

Survival

I know I haven't written in a while. I guess I have just been too busy with 'survival'. It is a constant thing on my mind - where my next meal will come from to ease the nausea. Then in the evenings when it subsides I have no energy to do very much except watch TV and sleep early, knowing full well that the next round of morning sickness is not too far away.

Last night as my husband sat stroking my hairy legs (do you really think I can be bothered shaving now) he casually asked 'so, do you moisturise anymore?' because my legs are so dry they are almost growing scales! Although he didn't mean any offence, it was not the best thing to say to a hormonal pregnant woman.

I went to bed thinking about all that had changed in the last couple of months; I no longer can be bothered to put on make-up (ditto for shaving, moisturising, exfoliating etc.), I only wash my hair when I have to, I eat all hours of the day (I even ate hot chips as a 'snack' the other day without a second thought), I no longer visit the gym, I can not be bothered at work.

The last one is really getting me down actually. It wouldn't be so bad if work was just work, but work is a career to me. I spent 4 years at university and then another 3 years completing my post-graduate part time while working, I am in fact currently undertaking a further advanced taxation law course. However, lately, I just don't seem to care about work at all.

I am not sure if it is because I know I am leaving at the end of this year and that any work I do now will be redundant because who will remember next year what kind of work I was doing early this year. Or maybe it is the morning sickness and hormones, I mean it is not easy to work feeling this ill, but most pregnant people manage it. Maybe it is just both.

Anyway, this was a really whinging post, I didn't mean it to be. I am actually writing because I suddenly had the realisation of all of this today and am going to change it all tonight. Tonight, i am locking myself in the bathroom until I look super-model-ish!!

Heartbeat so sweet

Left work early on Friday to have our first ultrasound. I was so nervous. I kept dreaming through the week that there were problems with our baby and other times I would dream that there were actually two babies, then again that there four!

So after a lot of stress I am pleased to say that there is one little baby in me and it is growing inside a yolk sac in the correct position and measures 6 weeks. We had been counting six weeks 4 days on Friday, but I am told at this early stage it is easy for them to be off by a little, so I am not too worried about a few days difference.

The best part was that (while doing an internal ultrasound) they were able to point out pudding's heartbeat! It was amazing. It was beating at 120 bmp.

So I guess there are some things worth all this morning sickness for.

My cuppa addiction

My Philippine born husband often used to roll his eyes in exasperation at the amount of tea that I, as a (British heritage) Australian, would drink. As soon as we started TTC I switched to decaf tea – which suited me fine, wasn’t quite as strong and not as delicious, but I was happy nonetheless.

Now the thought of a cup of tea makes me fell completely ill.

What is the world coming to?!

Vicious cycle

Sorry to everyone who is not in the mood to hear one of the many whinges of a pregnant woman, but I just can't keep it in any longer!

I really hope my husband and family like 'pudding' - because I seriously can not see myself doing this again - ever! I don't care how darn cute the kid is.

I feel terrible. The only time I do not feel like I about about to throw up (although I haven't actually thrown up at all, just feel horribly close to doing so at all times) is when I have eaten recently.

And so I eat (or else I forget to and then have to force myself to eat something which, when nauseous is easier said than done), I eat and eat all day. I have also quit the gym, I was too tired. And so I eat, and eat, and sleep.

And then I feel depressed because all the books tell me I should not have put on weight yet; I haven't weighed myself but I am sure (judging from the way my pants fit me) that I have put on at least 3 kilos already. My family deny I look fat but I guess it is easy to hide on my six foot tall frame - lots of sneaky places to put it.

And so I go on eating and feeling depressed, the alternative sick feeling is worse (I think).

Potty talk

Warning: anyone who does not want to read about my bowel movements I suggest you stop reading this.

Ok, so I panicked a little yesterday – the power of suggestion is very strong for me! I decided to do a little research on the internet on what lower abdominal pain during pregnancy could be caused by (note to self: you are better left in the dark – do not undertake own research on medical conditions in the future.).

After being able to cross off most major threats that it could have been (for example miscarriage is most often accompanied by bleeding before the pain), I was left with one major threat and several minor things which would not even warrant a visit to the doctor (e.g. constipation , ligament growing pains, etc). The major one which I was worried about was ectopic pregnancy.

I read through all the symptoms and the treatments as well as potential complications. While I was not is a high risk category but I had all the symptoms (including feeling faint, but I have low blood pressure anyway and the office air conditioning had failed yesterday so, looking back, that was probably not related).

I panicked so much (please bear in mind that I had been reading about the mortality rate form when the tube bursts and all kinds of horror stories) so I left work 3 hours early and booked in to my local clinic (which incidentally I have only been to once before since I prefer the GP near my Mum which is an hour away).

After waiting an hour and a half (can you believe they still charge you $50 to see the doctor when they have kept you waiting that long past your appointment time!) I finally saw the doctor who pocked and prodded me a bit before announcing that it could be any number of things and I should monitor it over the next 48 hours.

Thanks for those pearls of wisdom there, doctor – so glad I waited all that time when I could have been resting at home on the couch in front of some juicy daytime soaps!

The only comforting thing he could manage to say was that if it was ectopic pregnancy he ‘thinks’ I might be in a lot more pain than I was. I called my husband and then Mum (in future I really should do it the other way around as my husband calmed me down, but speaking to my Mum stressed me out because she is also a panicker by nature) and then sat in front of the television for a few hours.

I remembered my less than usual bowel movements I had been complaining about that morning, so decided to test the constipation causing pain theory and try for another movement. Low and behold, once I had been to the bathroom again, I felt SO much better – no nagging pain at all. It did return again after I ate dinner, but I am hoping that it is just the need to number two again!

It is so much better today – I can notice a little pain when I think about it, but I probably would never have noticed it if it hadn’t have been for yesterday’s stronger pain.

Worry

Although my emotions have been roller-coasting a lot of late, one thing has not changed: worry.

I really want to relax and enjoy this experience, but I am so worried by every little pain that I am robbing myself of the enjoyment.

I have not have my first real doctor visit yet, I am scheduled for the GP on Wednesday who will take me though hospital options and book me in for an ultrasound. I can't wait for the ultrasound, until then, I can't rest easy.

Late night I woke up experiencing a rather sharp paid in my lower abdominal on the left side. It was mild though and I probably wouldn't have even noticed ti if I wasn't pregnant (and thus worried).

I still have a little nagging pain there now but I can't decide if it is all in my head or not! Worry, worry, worry.

In other news, by normally flat stomach has decided that gas and constipation have made it impossible to be flat any longer. I had to go out on my lunch break and buy some maternity pants for work. I don't really need maternity ones, just going up a size would have been fine, but I figure that these ones will stick around for the long haul if they are maternity style.

Pudding

I am definitely carrying my husband's child; I have started craving Kentucky Fried Chicken of all things! I would usually go a full year without once thinking of KFC, so I can only assume it is my KFC-loving-husband's child's influence on me that has let loose the KFC craving!

Incidentally, I have also developed a little tummy bump. I know it is too early for it to be pregnancy related, but I have a feeling it is related to the sudden KFC cravings and pregnancy induced exhaustion.

All this has led me to name my bump 'pudding' because I think that all the extra pudding over Easter is what has caused it, but I think the name might stick throughout the pregnancy.

Anyone say 'mood-swings'?

My poor darling husband; having to put up with me for the 4 day Easter break means that he deserves a medal, truly. I have been horrible to live with, bursting into song and dance one minute (often literally) and all sour and quite rude the next.

Apart from that, these past few weekends we told our closest family about our pregnancy. I was quite excited for the most part. Here is how we told them:

My Mum
Mum got told the boring-est way actually. I told her last weekend straight after the positive doctor test. She was lovely and burst into tears right on cue! She has been dying to tell my siblings all week but I wouldn’t let her because one of my sisters was away for the week and I wanted everyone together.

Mr G’s parents
This was too cute, it was my father-in-law’s (‘papa’s’) birthday last Sunday so we wrapped up a baby themed photo frame and put inside a message that a photo was to be inserted in 8 months. It took him a little while to cotton on, but once he did neither he nor my mother-in-law stopped crying all night! We had been about to go out to dinner and papa had been starving, after hearing our news he announced that he was too excited and couldn’t possibly eat!

The best part was that I had been standing ready to snap photos as soon as they realised and I have a brilliant one taken just as the penny sunk.

Mr G’s sister & brother-in-law
This was the hardest because she is quite a lot older than us and has actually been trying for a baby for about 2 years now. We weren’t sure of the best way to go about it, Mr G thought waiting a few months would be best (but I thought it might be hard on her to know she was left out), his parents thought telling her over Easter when she came to Melbourne to visit would be nice (but I thought that it would be far too hard on her to be told face-to-face and then have to sit through dinner with a smile, I thought her parents should break the news to her over the phone a week before she came to Melbourne so that she would have time to prepare, so that is what we did. She was lovely and called her brother straight away to congratulate us. I am sure it must have been hard on her.

When we had dinner with them on Saturday night she was lovely and made a fuss, but her husband (who is really the one that want’s children, she enjoys her current lifestyle far too much and is only TTCing for his sake) made a couple of comments which gave away his true feelings. ‘You guys don’t waste any time do you!’ ‘At least you know your boys can swim!’

My siblings
I waited until Good Friday when all 3 of my siblings were there and then suggested a family photo and that hubby would take the shot. At the crucial ‘say cheese’ moment he instead called out ‘we’re pregnant!’. Again cue a series of priceless photos as my sisters and brother got sparkly eyes and started hugging me madly and exclaiming how they are going to be an aunty/uncle.

Strangnesses I've noticed

Just thought I'd document for future reference some of the things I have noticed in the short week I have known myself to be 'with child':

1. I am so, so sleepy.
2. I have slight soreness and sensitivity in my breasts - but strangely only one has grown and become quite firm while the other is normal (except the montgomery glands which have materialised on both).
3. I need to pee every hour of the day. Luckily not too much at night, but maybe because that is because I am careful not to drink too much liquid after work hours.
4. I check my underwear at each bathroom visit - I am so concerned that the spotting will come back or, worse, this will all be a cruel joke and I will actually get my period late.
5. I have been trying to eat all the daily food requirements, but it is so much harder than you'd think. I am normally quite a health freak anyway, but this is ridiculous!
6. My belly is really itchy - is this a normal experience of pregnancy or something unrelated?
7. I have started to waddle - I know it is way too early for that and I haven't even put on any weight, but I am still acting as though I am full blown pregnant! Plus, I am sticking my belly out - or at least no longer holding it firm.
8. I get quite teary at strange things. Not that abnormal for me, I am not a stranger to a cry at an emotional movie or book, but this is at almost random things.
9. I caress my belly when no one is watching, I just love the though of my baby being in there so much.
10. I think the pregnancy is finally sinking in with us; my husband has started putting his face close to my belly and talking to our little 'baby love'.

Test results

Got the results back on my blood test; it was positive, but still faint. That's why I am hoping for some pregnancy symptoms sometime soon - I need it to be confirmed by my body.

Symptoms so far are limited to tiredness (but then who doesn't like a sleep) and I have almost carved a path between my desk and the bathroom at work. I will not be surprised if the receptionist who I walk by on the way to the bathroom clues in on my state soon.

I guess I will be complaining about other symptoms in short course, but meanwhile I want them to come on so that I 'feel' pregnant.

Rollercoaster of emotions

Wow! What a weekend! My emotions were in a constant state of motion: up, down, up the whole time.

UP
I knew it was very early to POAS, so I knew that to have any chance of a BFP it would have to be morning pee. So on Saturday morning when I woke & needed the bathroom at 6a.m., I woke my (so-not-a-morning-person-husband) and with shaking hand and trembling fingers undid the package and dipped the stick in!

Two and a half minutes later I realised that I was starting to get a second line (!) so called bleary-eyed hubby who confirmed that he could make out a faint line. He wasn't fully convinced even though the instructions said that if there was the faintest hint of a line, it is still positive.

I was pretty excited and couldn't go back to sleep so spent the whole morning reading What to expect when you're expecting.

DOWN
Saturday was also the wedding of one of my best friends, so we were all dressed up and about to walk out the door when I went to the bathroom and saw some blood. Not a lot of blood, but enough to horrify me.

I spent the whole wedding in and out of the bathroom checking if any more came. Over the whole day only about 1 teaspoon came out, I know it wasn't much but I kept worrying that the next time I went there would be heaps more.

I managed to get a little sleep that night and when we woke, hubby asked if I wanted to see my doctor to put my mind at ease. So were rushed off (as she finished at 12.00 that day) and were stuck in typical Melbourne traffic until my nerves were a wreck!

UP
The doctor told us not to worry, that a positive is a positive but that she would do a blood test and call on Monday. I asked if she would also do a POAS test and, as lovely as she is, agreed. Again her test was faint, but still positive!

I still can't believe it actually happened in the first month of actually trying. I do feel guilty knowing how many women in the world have to go through so much pain just trying to get a positive. But I am trying to turn that emotion into just being grateful, because I think the worst respect I can show to everyone is not being grateful for this gift.

Still waiting on the doctor to call to make me triple positive sometime today.

On a slightly different note:

When is it cold enough to turn on the heater at home?

It seems every autumn my husband and I have this debate. I know it is only March but it is 18 degrees celsius today, I think that 18 degrees is cold enough for a heater in the evening.

His argument makes a lot less sense: it is only March therefore not heater weather.

At least it will be August next week :)

POAS time!!

The only way I have been able to get through this week is to promise myself that I will POAS Saturday morning. I know it is probably too early to tell anyway, but the test says 3-4 days prior to expected AF. Tomorrow it will be 2 days, so I am hopeful of getting an accurate result (although I'll try not to believe it 100% if it is negative).

I am so sick of checking my body for any possible sign of pregnancy. I am not tired, my breasts are no more sore than usual at this time of the month (although I think I have noticed an increase in size of montgomery glands - not that I really know what they looked like before I started checking them!), no sickness (although i know it is way too early for that anyway).

The only thing giving me heart is Brenda's (LifeCanBeaShit) comments on the blog of 'a brief history of you' saying that the first symptom for most people is a missed period.

Makes me feel better that I haven't got any damned symptoms yet!! Gggrrrrr! (slightly better anyway)